I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
