I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize