If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
