Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Randomize
