I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
