Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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