you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
