I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
