I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
