i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
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