Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
