i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish life had little blips of pornography
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
