Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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