her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
