I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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