look no pants
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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