how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Sorry about my life...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize