I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
