You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
