i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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