If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
