the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
