I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
