dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
