i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
