we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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