My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have fence marks all over my body
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize