Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
