You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
