If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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