Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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