That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
