you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
