Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
