We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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