I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
