I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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