You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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