If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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