fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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