too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
