1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
