What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize