I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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