onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
