you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
