Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
barbara walters just said penis...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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