if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
