pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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