I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
