So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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