So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I think I died a long time ago.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
