By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
