I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
