Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
