I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
