just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
