I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
