On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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