This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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