This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize