im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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