She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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