you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
