There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
